My life is an endless montage of things gone awry. Like having a cyst rupture and proceeding to be nauseous for days and finally vomiting my guts out after a day of sitting absolutely still to avoid vomiting. I just wanted some Dr. Pepper. Well, the porcelain god wanted it more.

So, on Monday, I was going to the coffee shop to rev myself up for therapy. Yes, I thought some additional caffeine before the latte that I drink in therapy was necessary. I was walking out to my car when it drove off, squealing its tires, and leaving me standing there in shock. Someone stole my car. Seriously!?!? I ran out back, told my dad and he ran up the hill, got in his truck and tried to pursue. I called the police, filed a report with the sheriff, filed a claim with my auto insurance. All very calmly. I can be calm. I might have had rapid-fire speech at one point. I was trying to get my license plate number and talk to the insurance and I was frustrated. Did you know that you need your license plate number to get your license plate number? Luckily, the sheriff’s office was able to obtain that information, because I could not. Also, the joy of my phone calls came when the adjuster said that the thief took it because he was cold and would likely abandon it once he reached his destination. And my doctors think I am delusional. She then proceeded to tell me to have a “good day.”

It is two days later today and it is still missing. I have given up on being positive and for the people who say, “It’s okay”–it’s not okay. He also took my house keys and we had to change the locks. I jump when I hear a doorknob rattle. I am grateful that I wasn’t hurt and that no violence happened, but this sucked.

I saw my doctors afterward and they want me to consider more therapy. My struggles with reality and stress management are proving to be far more difficult than anticipated. My lack of structure and my weariness are also stressors. I try to think of ways to fill my day, but am overwhelmed by every task. I suppose it sounds as though I am throwing myself a pity party, but truly life is a struggle right now.


Author: Darlene Milam

So, a little bit about me. I am a coffee lover, animal lover, and book reader extraordinaire. Not really the extraordinaire part. I want to be the next great American novelist, or memoirist. I am recovering from anorexia and engaging in daily battles with managing mental illness and other physical health problems. I believe in the power of healing through writing and want to share my story so others know they are not alone. Please comment, ask questions, like, and enjoy reading.

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